Real change,
in real lives.

From invisible to hired at Stanford

A year after relocating to California as a researcher’s spouse, I felt invisible. Without a job, I wasn’t just unemployed— I was completely lost. Teaching had always defined me, and I knew what I wanted now: a teaching assistant position at Stanford.

But why would they hire me— a non-native English speaker, an outsider— over countless local, fluent candidates? I tried not to listen to that voice.

Then one morning, my friend Elena sent a message: “There’s an opening for a TA in a course on clarifying career choices at Stanford Med. You should apply.” I did. It felt like the opportunity of a lifetime. It was more than just a job for me— it was a chance to rebuild my career and my sense of identity.

The application was easy— résumé, cover letter, done. Then came the interview invite.

For two weeks, I obsessed over grammar and vocabulary, rehearsing perfect sentences. But the more I practiced, the smaller I felt. Three days before the interview, I told my friend Dana, “I want this so badly. But my English . . . They won’t hire me.” She handed me The Charisma Myth. “Stop fixating on your English,” she said. “Focus on body language.” That I could do.

I dove into chapter 9: “Charismatic Body Language.” I chose two things to try— mirror the interviewer’s body language during the conversation and hold eye contact for three seconds at the end of the interview. On the interview day, I felt ready. This was more than a job— it was a way back to myself.

Then my bike got a flat tire. I ditched it and ran the rest of the way, sweaty and breathless, terrified I’d blown my first impression. But I straightened my back and walked in.

As the interview began, I focused on staying present. Instead of letting fear take over or getting stuck in negative thoughts about my English, I paid close attention to my interviewer’s body language. When she opened her arms, I gently mirrored her gesture. Later, when she leaned forward onto the table, I did the same after a short pause.

At the end of the interview, during our handshake, I looked her directly in the eyes and held her gaze for a full three seconds—without saying anything. I counted silently in my head. Then I left the room.

That night, I raised a glass of wine with my partner— not yet to success, but already just to showing up.

Three days later, my phone rang: “Nadia, when can you start?”

Seating choice and power moves

In the early days of running Fanbytes, I often took meetings in cafés or restaurants. Whenever possible, I always offered the client (or potential client) to sit with their back against the wall. If there was a sofa seat against a wall, this was perfect: they could take the comfy seat overlooking the rest of the restaurant, and I would take the chair facing the wall.

They would feel more comfortable, relaxed, and safe; they could see who was entering and leaving the café and wouldn’t be anxious about anyone sitting behind them looking over their shoulder. I always offered them the favorable seat. If they didn’t want it, I would take it, and then I would get to feel more comfortable, and therefore attentive.

But usually, I would try to arrive before the client and take the less desirable seat so they would automatically sit in the desirable seat (with their back against the wall) when they sat down, and I wouldn’t even have to hint at it.

Coupling this technique with good eye contact and slow nods, I believe it just made the client feel more relaxed, valued, and listened to. I have instinctively applied this principle over the past ten years without even thinking about it. It always feels like a nice gesture of hospitality.

Turning anxiety into authority

One summer, working at a management consulting agency, I was leading a big project with an important client, and not feeling very confident that I was really the right person for this.

Gearing up for the final presentation to the client CEO and the agency owner, I had been working on this for months. I knew my way around everything, yet I kept feeling like I can’t do this.

Normally before important meetings, as long as I knew my stuff, I just needed a few minutes to get ready. This time, none of my usual breathing or thinking exercises worked. I kept imagining the worst possible outcome.

But I was reading The Charisma Myth, and when I found the exercises on visualization, I was like, I’m going to use this. Because I can’t afford to sabotage myself here.

I made sure we were early to the meeting so I could set up, and when everything was ready, I went to the bathroom and visualized.

When I went back into the room, I felt different. From feeling like they would be my opponents and critics to Hey, we’re in this as a team and we’ll figure this out together.

But it was also a really hot day and there was no air-conditioning. My hands were sweaty, and I saw that the client also had sweat on his forehead and everybody was just suffering.

I remembered the chapter on dealing with discomfort and how it might be worth mentioning it instead of just suffering through it. So I said, “Hey, guys, is it okay if I take off my blazer? Because it is really warm.” And they all let out a sigh of relief and laughed and were like, “Oh, thank God. Yes, good idea. Let’s all do the same thing.” And it immediately set a more relaxed mood.

My presentation went really well. When we drove back to our company, my boss told me: “That was really good. It’s been a long time since I’ve heard a presentation this enticing, and I really think you could get far.”

Building executive presence across cultures

I’m a senior manager getting ready for leadership at a Big Four accounting firm. I moved to the U.S. only about three years ago. In India, we respect and celebrate humility. In fact, being a quiet person who’s a bookworm nerd is celebrated.

In India, I was already considered fairly charismatic, and I was considered “to be ready for executive leadership.” This is until I moved to the States and realized that many of the things that are celebrated there are not necessarily considered leadership material here.

I was trying to make a case for myself for executive leadership. In the first quarter, I was given feedback on not being leadership material and that I needed to work on my gravitas. I knew I needed to work on executive presence, gravitas, and charisma. I did my research and landed on The Charisma Myth, and it helped fast, very fast.

One of the switches that happens as you go from a junior level to a senior level is your focus goes from delivery to more on sales. I’m phenomenal at delivery. I put in the hours and I deliver. Getting to the executive level is beyond being good at the subject. Now sales means I need to interact with different personalities.

The Charisma Myth’s different styles of charisma are super helpful. Nowadays when I meet a prospective client, I do a little bit of studying about their personality so I can kind of figure out what kind of charisma style to apply when I talk to them.

Beyond just at work, the impact is visible in social interactions as well. This confidence in myself reverberated into others having confidence in me and my abilities. I literally had someone I met for the first time ask me, “How come you are so confident?”

By the next quarterly review, I was seen as an asset to the organization, somebody who should be groomed for leadership. Now I just have to be sure that I’m consistently applying the principles and staying focused on it. I’m not trying to become a different person, just enhancing my personality a little.

Cultivating calm during the pandemic

It was spring 2020, and the world had come to a grinding halt. Like many others, I found myself confined at home, grappling with the uncertainty and anxiety brought on by the pandemic.

Transitioning from working in an office to working from home meant adjusting to new tools, unfamiliar setups, and fully virtual collaboration. This sudden shift brought about added stress, blurred boundaries, and a deep sense of disconnection.

That’s when I came across The Charisma Myth. I wasn’t looking to be charismatic, but to cultivate presence, warmth, and authenticity at a time when the world felt emotionally fragmented. I was overwhelmed by uncertainty, and “the responsibility transfer” helped me release what I couldn’t control. It allowed me to show up with more calm and clarity— whether during work meetings or family conversations.

As someone who can be self-critical, the practice of self-compassion helped me treat myself with more kindness— especially on days when things felt beyond control. That inner transformation naturally extended outward, allowing me to meet others with greater empathy.

These tools didn’t just help me cope— they changed how I showed up both at work and at home.

Leading with presence and confidence

At first I just did not understand what this book meant by “presence.” If I am somewhere, I am somewhere, right? But gradually it started dawning on me that we may be in one place, but in our mind we may be somewhere else.

Then I realized that my biggest challenge with presence was my deeply embedded habit to compare myself with others, the feeling of being unworthy. The feeling of shame even for the slightest mistake was pursuing me. Fear of a new mistake was dominating my thoughts when I had to make an important step. Despite being a recognized academic and scholar, I still felt inferior to most people I was communicating with.

Reading The Charisma Myth, it dawned on me: my concerns on how I look in the eyes of others, my fear of underperforming, distracted me from being totally present in the moment. This book helped me to see the reason, and give a name to it. But it also gave me the remedy: I started practicing all the techniques, from the simple concentration practices to deeper psychological insights.

Changes started happening, from getting the first job to receiving rewards and recognitions. What helped me most, I think, was the “neutralizing negativity” practice. It helps me differentiate what really can be a threat from my groundless fears.

I now have fifty-plus faculty under my supervision, and I am receiving the warmest feedback from them, telling how much I changed their lives and how they value our connection. Some of my faculty got recognitions and promotions at my recommendation.

It really gives me wings to think that I can bring positive change in the lives of others! I truly love what I am doing, and getting rid of fears and concerns helped me totally enjoy it to the fullest and give value to others.

How presence transformed a difficult colleague

Over one year into a new job, I was trying to improve my likability and improve a relationship with a senior colleague.

Having learnt with The Charisma Myth how to be fully present, I decided to practice it when interacting with this senior colleague. I was also empathetic in all our interactions.

At first, I didn’t get any positive responses from this colleague. But after a few weeks of intentional interactions, she walked into my office one day and just started sharing a lot of challenges she was facing with getting a promotion. Afterward she said she always felt so much better after talking to me.

Then she started talking more about my technical competence to others. I didn’t expect improving my presence to have a ripple effect on how my technical skills are perceived.

P.S. I also can confirm the downside of projecting warmth: it really can cause people to overshare (even in the work environment) if not managed properly.

Beating impostor syndrome in a big tech interview

I had the opportunity to read The Charisma Myth a couple of weeks before an interview with a major tech company. Having previously worked primarily at smaller companies, the lengthy interview process was daunting, and I was struggling with impostor syndrome. I was facing eight hours of challenging interviews, with nine different interviewers, meaning I needed to make nine great first impressions.

Absorbing the material from this book felt like gaining a superpower, providing me with the tools to approach the interview process with significantly less nerves. I particularly focused on insights into making a positive first impression.

The responsibility transfer worked really well. I continuously did it in the days leading up to the interview, so much so that when I had the interview I was as calm as a Tibetan monk.

Even the stuff on impostor syndrome helped me. On the way to the interview I found myself negatively telling myself that I wasn’t good enough for the role and that the interviewers would take me to pieces. I just stepped back, looked at the thoughts as if I were an observer rather than trying to fight them, and I also reasoned that everybody has these feelings and feels like they are impostors when pushed out of their comfort zone.

Before each of the interviewers walked in, I thought of my son, so that I could greet each one with warmth, and I then found every interviewer was really warm and friendly the whole way through.

I made sure to speak slowly and lower my tone at the end of sentences and waited two seconds to speak before responding. I asked open-ended questions at the beginning of each interview to foster a connection and build rapport, which helped me to feel less like a passive participant and more like an individual engaging in a genuine conversation.

All of these tools helped me to manage my impostor syndrome to have a successful interview process. In fact, it made a stressful interview situation feel more like making new friends.

Neurodivergent charisma and connection

As a neurodivergent woman, I had very few friends and found it very difficult to build work relationships. I was seen as a maverick and someone who talks too much. I was a dreadful listener, as I was desperately sharing my thoughts, trying to make connections.

Then I read The Charisma Myth. I had no idea that the key to making solid relationship connections was to be a much better listener, let go of the need to say my piece, and make the person feel like I was there for them emotionally. At first, I was worried it would feel like I was faking interest. I worried I’d be found out. But the more I practiced it, I discovered that I really did enjoy listening to other people.

The concept of dedramatizing helped me to regulate my responses to other people. The tips on how to conduct myself with better planning and forethought have paid off multiple times.

These techniques helped me change the way I respond and ultimately feel. I felt more confident and my mind felt quieter, with less rumination. This book was so transformative for me, when I first read it, I found it to be a lifeline. Now, it’s a handbook I refer to regularly.

Leading with charisma in a disaster zone

I came across The Charisma Myth 35 days ago while on a skiing trip, and I was reading it in my hotel room when a devastating earthquake struck eleven cities in Turkey, including my hometown, Adiyaman. More than fifty thousand people died, including seventeen members of my extended family.

I decided to go to the disaster zone to serve as a translator for the search- and- rescue teams that were coming to help from all over the world. On the ground, I started working with the Philippines’ team, helping establish a field hospital to treat the survivors.

The disaster zone was hell. The majority of the buildings had collapsed, it was utter chaos, and you could actually smell death everywhere.

To coordinate the teams, I had to become very active in destroyed buildings, and we spent our time searching for survivors, extracting dead bodies, and relaying to families that their loved ones were dead. Those were the times when I really used kindness charisma, and learned that you can’t fake it: you really have to feel it deep down in your heart.

I could not have survived without the tools in this book. For example, during one of our missions our generator broke down. In seconds, I was surrounded by Turkish rescuers, Filipino medical volunteers, family members of the victims, and even passing strangers, all demanding solutions.

Thanks to understanding how authority charisma works, I was able to calm everyone down, emanate confidence, and get everyone back to work. We got the generator repaired in ten minutes.

Learning charisma was also useful to help me convince some of my medical student friends to join me in the disaster zone so that they could serve as medical translators in the hospital.

In the end, our field hospital ended up treating the highest number of patients among all of the field hospitals in the city, even more than the state-run ones.